Foundations ⁂

May 14, 2025

My other classes also suffered from poor grades. This was even though my parents and teachers believed that I was a smart kid. So it was really a letdown when I would constantly fail and underperform in school. I could talk at length about the reasons for this, but ultimately, it mostly boiled down to mental health issues.

Things are going better for me now, and that's great, but now I face the daunting challenge of acquiring the skills and knowledge I need to finally achieve my goals. Doing the things I always wanted to do but was always too depressed and distracted to bunker down and actually do it.

I have always been envious of the people who seemingly have no issue whatsoever with learning, but I realized that I never actually learned how to learn. I can't count the number of times I have started learning something only to become frustrated very quickly. Getting discouraged because I wasn't instantly good at it, or because I was confused. But skills need to be built from the ground up! I need to allow myself to be befuddled. That is part of learning.

Of course, one of the main issues I have had is being able to focus. Even with increasing doses of medication, the struggle is still intense. Perhaps it's because I'm not used to "locking in". I certainly don't want to overwork myself, but I would like to work towards my dreams and aspirations!

Going forward, I need to try to apply myself every day. Taking repeated action daily and making them habits. Do some coding, some exercise, some writing. I won't become an expert instantly, but I never will unless I try. This is easier said than done because I love hyper-fixating on big picture ideas. The tragic thing is that historically, my head has been so high in the clouds that I barely ever worked on the actual nuts and bolts needed to make any of those ideas a reality.

The difference with my attitude in High School versus now when it comes to math is night and day. Back then, I remember paying attention as little as possible, always being confused, and watching the clock more than the whiteboard. Now I'm doing homework, sending the teacher notes, and genuinely feeling happy whenever I'm confident with the material.

Now that the class has concluded, I can share my final grade, along with a comparison of my previous attempts in mathematics:

In September, I will be starting a degree program, and that will be made possible in part because of these efforts. So, of course, I am happy that I got a good mark! My plan is to update this blog whenever I have some interesting to talk about, so further updates will come. Talk to you soon!